It is extremely difficult to watch your loved one struggle with addiction. They may be hurting themselves and you, but when you try to help them, they push you away. It is hard to understand why they do not accept your help and continue to take alcohol or drugs despite the effect it is having on your lives.
There are ways that you can make it easier for your loved one to accept the severity of their addiction and nudge them towards seeking help at a rehabilitation centre. You must not try to force them into it as this could backfire and cause them to withdraw. It is also unlikely that they will succeed in recovery if you force them into it. Long-term sobriety takes a life-long commitment and by forcing them on the first step will not prevent them from relapsing once they are clean.
Why Will Your Loved One Not Accept Your Help?
It can be difficult to understand why your loved one is not responding to you when you tell them that their addiction is causing your family to break down or that it will lead them to death. It is important that you understand addiction better to be able to empathise with this.
Addiction is a chronic brain illness which leads you to compulsively seek out drugs or alcohol. Once you are addicted to a substance, it becomes the most important thing in your life and you lose control over your drug or alcohol use. It can be difficult to accept that you have an addiction. The following factors can play a part in this:
- Denial of severity – This can also link to the stigma surrounding addiction. You might deny you have a problem because you believe the stigma that you are weak-willed if you have an addiction. You might also want to protect yourself or others from the severity of the problem.
- Pride – It can be difficult to accept that we need help. You might think that you can beat your addiction by yourself and be reluctant to accept the help of your loved ones.
- Fear of rehab or withdrawal symptoms
- Cost of rehab
Treating Your Loved One with Empathy
If your loved one’s addiction has affected you for a long time, it can be difficult to always treat them with empathy. You may be frustrated and angry that they continue doing something which causes you so much pain. However, if you want to encourage them to get treatment, empathy is necessary.
When you are speaking with your loved one about their addiction, make sure that you ask open-ended questions rather than making statements. This will make them feel heard. If your loved one trusts that you want to understand what they are going through and that you want the best for them, they will be more likely to listen to your side of things and go to you for support.
Keep conversations general rather than accusatory when you speak with your loved one. You can speak about the general effects of addiction rather than pointing out specific things they have done. If you do end up getting frustrated with them, it is better to walk away than to argue with them.
While your loved one’s addiction affects you, you should not make the conversation about yourself. However, you should also not sugar-coat the facts. You can make it clear how their addiction is affecting your life without placing the blame on them. It is likely that they are already dealing with the social stigma surrounding addiction, and adding your blame to this will only make things worse.
Encouraging Responsibility and When to Speak with Your Loved One
People with addiction problems will often divert the issue, blaming family or other external factors. You can help your loved one to accept responsibility for their behaviour. Do not excuse what they do because they were drunk or high, and do not soften the blow of their consequences. For example, if they are unable to take care of responsibilities because they are drunk, high, hungover, or on a comedown, you should not step in by making excuses for them or calling in sick for them.
While many people will hit rock bottom before they seek support, it is not necessary for this to happen. Knowing when to speak with your loved one could be vital for them accepting that they need help. The best time to speak with them might be after they have had an unpleasant experience as a result of their drug or alcohol use. For example, they might have gotten into trouble with the law, or hurt somebody they care about. Again, it is important not to place blame when you approach them, but they may be more inclined to seek help at these times.
Looking After Yourself
Looking after yourself is crucial when you have a loved one with an addiction. If you are not caring for yourself, you will not be able to help them. One way to do this is by setting and maintaining clear and healthy boundaries. This can help you not to lose yourself. You should make sure that your boundaries will reduce the stress that you experience as a result of your loved one’s drug or alcohol use.
When you express your boundaries to your loved one, make sure that your boundaries are clear to both of you. It is important that you maintain them so that your loved one knows that they cannot step over your boundaries. You should also make sure that you are not making idle threats disguised as boundaries.
Getting Help
You may feel embarrassed by your loved one’s addiction and not want to reach out for support. However, you should not be alone in this. If you are not comfortable speaking with friends or family about it, there are specific groups that aim to support people who have loved ones struggling with addiction.
You can also do research for when your loved one is ready to seek help. You might reach out to a counsellor or therapist or to addiction treatment centres to see what your options are. It can be helpful for you to have these options at hand for when your loved one is ready to seek help. This will avoid delay in which time they could change their mind.